Why is 30 such a big deal for us? So many women feel they should have their lives together by 30 but don’t feel they conform to this means. First, you are told not to have children too young. Then you turn 30, and suddenly you are told you are ‘getting on a bit’ and should hurry up with settling down.
What You Should Know By 30
Is it because life is supposed to get serious at this point onwards? I remember being asked, time and again by many people, why aren’t you married yet? I would explain I didn’t want to be married. This would often evoke bewildered looks; how could a woman ever not want to be married by 30? Knowing myself meant having the intelligence about what to know by 30. There were more important things than marriage and the ideal of such.
Stop Trying To Fit In
The most challenging period of my life was my 30’s. Why? Because I spent much of it wondering how I was supposed to fit in with the world. I wanted to be free but have children. I wanted to explore the world but have a home life. I was outgoing and fun but serious about my values and work.
The list was endless of what I thought were contradictions. In the end, a decade on, I realized I don’t have to be the end product by any age. I have no intention to stop exploring and evolving myself throughout my 40’s and all the decades to follow. You should know by 30 that learning doesn’t end there, and there is no real set of things you should know anyway.
Be Mindful Of Success
Does success mean wealth and material belongings? You will find that it does not provide long-lasting fulfillment with all the material possessions you can dream of. Things you should know by 30 mean so much more than that. You should know that having a mindset for success is one of the most important things a 30-year-old could ever know. Consider the celebrities who live out their values and focus their goals on their passion. They work from a place of purpose, and their wealth comes from this.
Life Is Fluid
Don’t beat yourself up; be accountable. Don’t waste your time on things you can’t control. For example, if you feel sad about something, consider if it’s a fact or just how you perceive it? There are liars and cheaters in this world, but their behavior has nothing to do with you, so don’t take ownership and make yourself feel bad about their actions. Some things you may be able to influence, but you can only control your thoughts.
What Should I Have By 30?
Having things doesn’t always mean materialistic achievements or the most expensive clothing. Sometimes having things by 30 means having peace of mind. This peace of mind is void of two devastating blockades – hate and revenge.
Hate and revenge do nothing but cause more trouble. Instead, put the flame out by walking away and moving on. Revenge doesn’t show others’ true colors but your own for seeking it out. It ties you more to the situation or person. Hatefulness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die from it. Hate corrodes only you from the inside.
Put Yourself First
It would be best if you had some of the things you want in life. How many times have you done something to benefit others when it didn’t help you? When you are people-pleasing, you become less of a person, as who you are and what you want is clouded by what others want you to be. You can’t pour an empty cup. You are more likely to be a more fulfilled and a whole person from which your loved ones will benefit if you set your boundaries and say no more often. Find out what makes you the happiest, and do that more often.
Power Isn’t About Making Other People Small
When you are being shouted at by your boss, do you think they are in control? The truth is they are not. If someone can not regulate their emotions, they have lost control. If others speak ill of you, it is most likely because they need to chop your head off, so they are made to feel taller. Strong people lift others; they do not need to bring others down.
Focus On The Solution, Not The Problem
How many people do you know that like to talk about their problems, day in and out? Once one has passed, they have a new one to replace it. Having problems can be a safe place to be. I recently coached an individual who had a dream to start a business. She had a long list of reasons and problems why they couldn’t begin on the business venture immediately. As we went through the solutions to these problems, she added more problems. Finally, she replied, “but this may happen and wouldn’t work because…” When I explained if she wanted the dream, she had to become an actor, not a reactor, she took a moment of silence and then beamed with a radiant smile. She realized she was using these problems as a comfort blanket.
Your goal will be at the end of a long row of challenges; Focusing on the solutions is what will get you there. These things you will know by 30. Your dreams can’t be found in your comfort zone, so step outside into the learning zone and be an actor who finds ways to overcome the challenges.