It’s difficult not to take being rejected as a personal attack. Having the ability to pick yourself back up again is essential when achieving your goals. So, the next time you get knocked back, consider this:
Fearing Rejection Will Hold You Back
The fear of rejection you will make you avoid a situation where rejection may occur. But this avoidance will likely mean you will close many doors of opportunity too. So it is worth questioning what is more detrimental to you, an event which may result in rejection or avoiding the events all together. So if you don’t go for what yo want you are in the exact same position if you did go for it and rejected – both end up with the same result of no gain. But then there is the possibility if you did choose to go for what you want and after a few rejections, you do achieve it. What is worse not going for it, or going for it and getting rejected?
Being Rejected Shows That You Dared to Put Yourself Forward
If you research many of the worlds greatest inventors and innovators, there are many stories of failures and rejections behind them. At the time, they too will have felt the feelings you do when you are rejected. However, something within them kept them in pursuit. They kept going because of the love for what they do. This love is greater than their self doubt.
The root of our problem sits in the way we perceive success. We portray success as something which belongs to shiny flawless people and we compare ourselves aside these people. We rarely hear of the hard work and loss that was experienced along the way. It is helpful to identify people who inspire you and learn of their journey before they achieved their success. Find out how they felt when they were rejected and notice it will be much the same as what you feel when you are rejected. Identify what they did to put these feelings aside and move forward in spite of their self doubt.
You Still Have So Much To Offer
The world is a place of difference and complexity There is no ‘one size’ fits all to acceptance. Acceptance in much in the opinions of others. Just because you were rejected doesn’t mean you are not worthy, it simply means that wasn’t the right fit for you and the subjective view of the other person. There are many remarkable talented individuals whom I have interviewed, but have not employed. This does not mean they are unworthy, but more their experiences and skill set didn’t match what I required.
When you feel rejected, it is often triggered by an event. We wrap our self worth around this event and make it into a story about us.
However, we can reframe our thoughts and feelings. Try and turn down the volume button on the thoughts from the occurrence and what the other person may have said and done. Instead, turn up the volume button on what you are telling yourself. Notice what you are telling yourself is actually more destructive than what actually happened. When we do this we begin to identify the pain around rejection is more about what you tell ourselves, not the actual rejection.
You Can Learn From The Experience
Rejection provides an excellent learning opportunity. If you’ve been rejected in your career, then ask for feedback so when another opportunity comes up, you’ll be fully prepared. Ask the decision-maker what areas you excelled in and the things you could potentially improve upon. When it comes to romantic rejection, consider what you have learned and how you can set you on a path to finding the right someone who is the right fit from the start.
Remind Yourself Of Your Worth
Rejection can lead us to feeling we don’t hold value. These thoughts can spiral into low self worth and low esteem. A rejection event can trigger a series of insecurities within us. Exploring what’s really behind your fear of rejection can help you address that specific worry.
Maybe you’re afraid of romantic relationships because you are afraid of being alone. This would show that at the core of your emotions is not the fear of rejection, but the fear of being alone.
A perfect example of this was from a client I worked with in Asia. Despite her senior position she didn’t voice her opinions in meetings in the fear her opinions would be dismissed and rejected. This was causing problems in the workplace because even though she knew what needed to be changed she remained quiet. She worried other managers would become angered by her view if she spoke out. When I asked her what would happen if the other managers did become angered she agreed she would feel very anxious. So I repeated her statement in the following words ‘ I don’t participate in meetings because even though I know what needs to be done to make my department more productive, I fear that I will say something foolish. If I say something foolish others I will be humiliated and this will make me anxious. So I don’t participate because I am worried that I will feel anxious. I therefore attend meetings feeling anxious and stay quiet in case I may feel even more anxious.
She realised that her fear of rejection was more about what might happen with her feelings .She was setting herself up for loss, operating in this manner.
Start by listing what will happen if you are rejected.
If you are in fact rejected, what will be the worst thing that could occur?
Will this kill or maim you?
If not, how will you feel if this occurs?
Are you actually fearful of the rejection or are you fearful of confronting those core feelings within?
Ask yourself will this way of thinking get you what you want?
Rejection can sting and make you doubt yourself. But fearing it may limit you, preventing you from experiencing much of what life has to offer. Choosing to look at rejection as an opportunity for growth instead of something you can’t change can help you feel less afraid of the possibility.